Every year since 2009, the Out of the Darkness Community Walk, in Milwaukee leads me to help educate others and prevent suicide loss. In February 2015, I received an email from the walk chairperson announcing the date of the 2015 walk on October 4th. Having a secure date and location early allows more time to create awareness for the walk and promoting what it’s about. Even though more people sign up to walk, it brings a certain sadness for why we walk in the first place.
Before the walk, during check-in and registration, we receive honor beads to wear that represent why and who we’re walking for. Everyone wears blue beads to support the cause. In addition to those, I wear the red beads because I lost a spouse. This morning I realized that this year, I’ll also have purple beads representing the loss of a friend; my neighbor, Michael, completed suicide on February 11, 2015 after years of battling depression and other demons.
White – Lost a Child Red – Lost a Spouse or Partner Gold – Lost a Parent Orange – Lost a Sibling Purple – Lost a Relative or Friend Silver – Lost First Responder / Military Green – Struggled Personally Blue – Support the Cause Teal – Friends and Family of Someone Who Struggles
I discovered on Twitter this week through the National Institute of Mental Health @NIMHgov that “Suicide research is critically underfunded in the U.S.” and linked the Action Alliance Press Release article on the subject. We walk to help fund the research and education about suicide and how to prevent it from happening. Every week we watch the news to hear about another death by the completion to suicide in the U.S. or abroad from a child to an adult as a result of bullying, depression, another mental illness whether known or unknown. We need to step up and support the cause and prevent innocent lives from being lost!
Every year I form the team, Walking foRuss, and every year I walk. I may not have other people walking with me, but I walk with other friends’ teams to offer support and then to receive it. We all for a reason…we lost or know someone who lost someone to a disease still surrounded by stigma. Please help break the silence.
Today, March 1st, has been emotionally charged as we said goodbye and bid peace to someone whose life ended too soon from the completion of suicide. He suffered from his own demons, which included depression. I know this story too well, our neighborhood grieves again. In December 2008, the neighborhood grieved the first time after my husband, Russ, passed away from the completion of suicide as a result of mental illness: bipolar and auditory hallucination, which associates with schizophrenia.
My neighbor, Michael, passed away on Wednesday, February 11, 2015 as a result of a gunshot after dealing with troubling times in life. His life has me reflecting back to the date and time of Russ’s death and how far I’ve come since. I not only survived, but I thrived.
As I sat during the funeral, I pictured Russ and now Michael Goetzinger in Heaven sitting in the yard and talking. They’re both released from their pain and looking down on their families and friends giving encouragement and making sure we’re all healing and moving forward. One of the songs played at the service, Wideness in God’s Mercy, hit home because it played at Russ’s funeral six years ago. Even in death we’re all connected.
I’m thankful to all the neighbors who came together to support each other and for making sure that I’m doing alright and offering lots of hugs. Connected by love, connected by sorrow, all of us have a brighter tomorrow. Rest in Peace Michael and to all of people who have lost their lives to the completion of suicide.
Once again we’re reminded that suicide’s real and we must break the stigma that surrounds it. If you’re contemplating suicide, preventing suicide or support others, please see: AFSP.
If you are in crisis, please call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) With your help, we can all save lives.
What amazing words revealing a deep concept! And yet the words have only recently revealed their shine and impact in the world.
I’ve been using the words for a good length of time now thanks to a friend who showed me the wrong way of using the word “survivor”. After the tragic loss of my husband, I became informed that I was a survivor (of suicide), but when I shared this on an Authentic Self~Kosmic Consciousness retreat, a new friend said something that it makes me sound like a survivor of cancer–that I survived it. This had me thinking that she’s right, it did sound that way. I came out alive from a tragic loss, but I wasn’t the victim, I didn’t merely survive, I thrived as a result. Since then, I’ve noticed thrive in so many places. I even used the word “Thrival” in the subtitle of my book and submitted the word with definition to the Merriam Webster online dictionary and they posted it!
thrival:
(noun): the state of thriving
Submitted by: Karen E Voss from Wisconsin on Apr. 15, 2014 16:21
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According to the Merriam Webster online dictionary, thrive means:
Definition: thrive
intransitive verb \ˈthrīv\ : to grow or develop successfully : to flourish or succeed
3: to progress toward or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances —often used with on <thrives on conflict>.
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In 2014, I started listening more to a contemporary christian radio station, K-LOVE. At the time, I required music to connect me spiritually and to keep me balanced. They played a song titled Thriveby Casting Crowns. I immediately connected to the song and downloaded the song from Amazon.com. Liking the song so much, I created my own Thrive radio station on iHeart Radio, which not only plays the song, but other songs by Casting Crowns, and other related Christian music. This station calms my mind, any stress at work, and for when I need to reflect. I found out a short time later, Casting Crowns has a CD called Thrive and so I placed it on my Christmas wish list (my older brother bought it for me). Not only did I receive the CD, but the CD contained a Thrive poster.
A visit to the Milwaukee Public Library Bay View location to pick up a requested book led me to browsing other selections. I discovered a book titled Thrive by Ariana Huffington. I couldn’t resist picking it up and taking it home. The book has a subline of “The third metric to redefining success and creating a life of well=being, wisdom, and wonder”. I had no clue what the Third Metric entailed so google revealed the book website with the following:
“WHAT IS THE THIRD METRIC?
When you stop … if you ever do…you sense something isn’t quite right. You have a long list of accomplishments that bring great satisfaction – deals, causes, and outcomes that are better because you poured your heart into them. Yet you’ve been giving and giving to every other good endeavor but yourself. You’re depleted. There’s no rest. There’s no respite. There’s no end. It doesn’t have to be that way. You CAN redefine your life to include a Third Metric — your well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving.”
The book shows great guidance and insight revealing how we can thrive in our daily lives:
“We have, if we’re lucky, about thirty thousand days to play the game of life. How we play it will be determined by what we value. If we worship money, we’ll never feel truly abundant. If we worship power, recognition, and fame, we’ll never feel we have enough. And if we live our lives madly rushing around, trying to find and save time, we’ll always find ourselves living in a time famine, frazzled and stressed.
While the world provides plenty of insistent, flashing, high-volume signals directing us to make more money and climb higher the ladder, there are almost no wordly signals reminding us to stay connected to the essence of who we are, to take care of ourselves along the way, to reach out to others, to pause to wonder, and to connect to that place from which everything is possible. To quote my Greek compatriot Archimedes: ‘Give me a place to stand, and I will move the world.’
So find your place to stand—your place of wisdom and peace and strength. And from that place, remake the world in your own image, according to your own definition of success, so that all of us++women and men—can thrive and live our lives with more grace, more joy, more compassion, more gratitude, and yes, more love. Onward, upward, and inward!” –from Thrive by Ariana Huffington
The world around us continues to thrive, but it’s what you do with your ability to thrive that can change the world. I read an article by Gregory Ramsey and he states, “change your way of thinking and you can change your world”. He’s absolutely right! The way we think leads us to the choices we make in life for ourselves and for the lives of everyone around us. I could have chosen to just survive, making my way through the muck left over from my husbands completion of suicide, but I chose and live to thrive! It’s my job now to help others and that creates an impact on people’s lives.
What will you choose…survive or thrive?
“I do not consider myself a survivor anymore, but rather a “thriver”, a warrior moving forward after tragedy.” -K.E.Voss
“We know we were made for so much more
Than ordinary lives
It’s time for us to more than just survive
We were made to thrive”
-Thrive, Casting Crowns
It’s amazing how the mind and heart work together or rather with one another.
Over the past weeks, a storyline on the soap opera, Days of Our Lives, has led me to tears more than once. One of the characters died in the arms of his wife as a result of a gun shot wound. While this wasn’t exactly what happened to me, it’s similar in that she lost her husband tragically.
I can relate to the loss of a husband/spouse.
Another storyline revealed how someone lost his wife to the completion of suicide due to a self-inflicted gun shot. She had bouts of depression and consumed too much alcohol
I can relate to the loss of a spouse to the completion of suicide due to mental illness.
I watched a couple of shows last week Wednesday, November 12, that I don’t normally watch (SVU and Chicago PD). I watched them because they became tied to a three show crossover week/event. None of these shows carry a disclaimer before airing their shows. From showing gruesome deaths and injuries by accident or self-inflicted, there’s no warning. Sorry, but I didn’t care for seeing someone shoot themselves in the head nor the gruesome remains of a death. I’m sure I’m not the only one who doesn’t care for scenes like these even IF it’s only TV…in someones life, it’s real. Had I know, I wouldn’t have watched.
I’m guessing disclaimers aren’t required for the real life depiction of this stuff. Common courtesy may choose to display disclaimers.
I won’t watch one of those shows ever again, crossover event or not, with or without a disclaimer.
Since the year 2000, I have received the Ferris Magazine. It’s a magazine for alumni who graduated from Ferris State University in Big Rapids, MI. I received my Bachelor’s Degree in Printing Management from there. I have been working on getting a class note placed in the magazine with the announcement that I published or “authored” a book.
After waiting many months, I arrived home from work today with the printed copy of the Fall 2014 edition in my mailbox. I immediately jumped online to see if the electronic version got posted. Sure enough.
The magazine reaches 90,000+ alumni, which means my class note could reach 90,000+ people! That’s nuts and cool at the same time!
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day resides this year on November 22, 2014.
Across the world, people gather as one. We all have something in common. We have lost someone to the completion of suicide. It’s a day to share journeys, hope, and healing. I found out Monday afternoon that I’ll be hosting a resource table for my book, That’s All I Got! at the Milwaukee event sponsored by the Mental Health America of Wisconsin. On this day, I am inspiring, sharing, healing, and strengthening.
If you aren’t able to attend a local event, there’s a 90 minute live video feed at 12 pm CST/1 PM EST so you too can take part in this day. Follow this link to join: Survivor Day Live
Last night I received a phone call from a friend seeking reassurance that she did the right thing.
She had received a message from a friend who threatened to potentially harm himself as a result of a job loss. Not knowing if he was serious or not, she took the initiative and called the police. The police went over to his residence for questioning and later took him to a safe place for evaluation. Because of her concern, he no longer wants contact/friendship with her.
After she told me what happened, she asked if she did the right thing. I informed her that she did. Had she not called the police and he would have inflicted self-harm, she’d carry the guilt for not doing her part to help him.
What’s worse: carrying the guilt around forever or losing a friendship?
I’m proud of her for doing the right thing. She potentially saved another persons life.
She sought me out because I have been on this journey even though I’ve never been in her shoes.
Please, if you’re contemplating completing suicide or self-harm reach out to a friend, relative, or trusted individual. If you’re the friend, relative, or trusted individual, do the right thing and trust your instincts. You too can help save a life.
On Sunday, September 14, 2014, the day after National Suicide Prevention Week ended, I hosted a table for a Little Free Library Grand Opening. A total of seven authors hosted tables at the event held at a church. The event last for 2.5 hours.
Disappointed came when I only sold one book. While the author next to me matched my one sale, he received more visits to his table. I think everyone had more visits/interests than my book did. I started to wonder if people are afraid of my book?
At the Health Fair a couple of weeks before, people stopped at the table (I sold three books at that event). During a church picnic people barely stopped by. The tables I’ve hosted a couple of my church functions were pretty quiet, but I sold more books. Go figure, then again the parishioners knew me and my journey.
Yes, a stigma still surrounds suicide. Some people won’t talk about it and others believe it’s a selfish act and not caused by a mental illness. People don’t always talk about things they don’t know much about especially if it’s only brought up when tragedy occurs and/or it’s covered in the media.
What are your thoughts? Do you think people are afraid to buy the book due to fear of what they might learn? Are they worried about what other people think if conversation around suicide entails? Conversations don’t hurt people, but sitting around and ignoring an issue that’s affecting more people, that isn’t going away, can hurt people.
Over the weekend I watched the one hour telethon for Stand Up To Cancer. The stories and music touch the hearts and souls of everyone watching, pledging, and standing up to cancer–any and all. One person. It takes only one to get the idea to stand up as one to support a cause.
If one person after one person stood up for every cause, you’d have a domino effect. Then every cause would receive recognition and create awareness worldwide.
All this week and everyday, I stand up for suicide prevention. This week has been designated to National Suicide Prevention Week. On Friday, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) asks you to wear your AFSP, Out of the Darkness Walks, or Sevenly shirt(s) and take a selfie to stand up to suicide prevention. Just take a photo and post it to Twitter and/or Instagram with hashtag #selfiesagainststigma!
Stigma still surrounds suicide and it’s past time that this barrier got broken. The more people become educated on suicide prevention and understand that suicide occurs for many reasons with the main underlying reason being mental illness, the more lives can be saved. Do your part and STAND UP to preventing suicide.
“As the world grieves, may more light be shed upon mental illness and the prevention and education of suicide”. -K.E.Voss
It’s been over a week since the world learned of the passing of Robin Williams. Since then we have learned the cause of his death by suicide — he hung himself and had attempted to slit his wrists. I apologize for my bluntness, but it’s not something to hide behind, it’s truth. We also know he had the beginning stages of Parkinson’s Disease, which may have caused his depression or added to it.
There’s so many questions and there may never be answers. He may not even know.
I do know, like many people who have lost someone to the completion of suicide, may have been affected by Robin’s death; I know I have. When I heard the details of how he died, I had an immediate flashback to the moment I found my husband. It sent a wave of emotions into me. Your breath is a powerful tool to calm the mind down. I had a visit scheduled to my chiropractor who doesn’t just assist with physical ailments. Talking about it and getting adjusted, which helped my emotional and mental health as well as physical, made for a better night. Seeking support from friends geared thoughts to other things. This created only a bump in the road for me that became smoother.
Others affected may not have had it as simple as I did. Reliving tragedies isn’t fun especially if you still have fresh wounds. Depending on what you witnessed, it takes a good amount of time to heal and even then the memories can resurface.
That's All I Got! 